Monster Zuchs put to Good Use

I have a theory.  It goes something like this:

Chocolate makes everything better.

I've been looking forward to zucchini season for one main reason:

 A word about Dana Matthews.  She is a guru of sorts.  She makes fruit leather, paints, raises chickens, cards and spins her own wool, then takes the yarn and weaves beautiful cloth on a loom.  Everything she touches ends up being lovely and tasty and she pretty much reminds me of my mom, who has these same talents.

I got this from her daughter-in-law, who was kind enough to share with us when we came over for dinner one night. This shows that she is a better person than I am because I would never share.  Except with Jon, but only because he makes me.

So, this cake.  It is divine.  Moist and chocolately and nutty.  It is the perfect use of a green vegetable.

I'm a fan of Julia Child, and believe, as she did, that all good things start with butter.

One stick. I cube it up when I haven't left it out to soften.  This increases the surface area exposed to the warm air and lets me get on with my life.

Add half a cup of oil 1 and 3/4 cup sugar.  Beat it up.  Show it who is boss.  This is, in my humble opinion, one of the main problems people have when baking. They don't cream the fat and sugar enough.  So, it shouldn't look like this:

 It should look like this:

Add two eggs and a teaspoon of vanilla.  This right here rocks my world.  I abhor all things artificial, including grass, flowers, boobs, people...you name it.

And look at these little beauties:

From my very own backyard.  They're even prettier inside:

Deep golden and well rounded.  Well, hello there.

Next add two cups of shredded zucchini (almost an entire small one; I used one of the smaller ones from the first picture).

Next, dump in half a cup of walnuts, and half a cup of chocolate chips.  I'll be honest.  I added 3/4 of a cup of the chocolate chips. I'm rogue like that.

Chopping walnuts always makes me think of my maternal grandmother.  She was a chocolatier the likes of which would put Willie Wonka to shame.  This was always the job she gave to kids.

I hate chopping walnuts.

Now we turn our attention to dry ingredients.  I dump them all in my strainer over a bowl and shake them through.

We've got 2 and 1/2 cups flour, tsp salt, tsp baking soda (I use a bit less here at 6K feet), and 1/4 cup cocoa.  I added a bit more until I liked the color better.

I'm telling you, I'm a rebel.

Add this to the wet alternately with 1/2 cup of buttermilk.  Since I don't keep buttermilk in my fridge because I'm not my grandfather, I make it using milk and vinegar. 1 tsp to a cup ratio is about right. Make sure to incorporate each addition completely before moving on.

Pour the batter into a greased and floured 9x13.  I'll tell you a little secret about floured pans for chocolate cake...better yet, I'll show you:

Cocoa!  That way you don't get the white crusties on the cake at the end.

Pop it in a 325 oven for about 55 minutes.  While it is still hot, sprinkle it with more chocolate chips and walnuts (preferably toasted, but I didn't feel like taking the time to do that, so I didn't.  I'm boss, remember?).

Eat, bless the heavens and the cocoa bean, repeat.  I think I'm going to go and eat my vegetables.

I love this time of year.

The Root of All Deliciousness

In July, my mom came over toting a large, intriguing box. It had two of my favorite words in the world on it.

Root beer.

Yum.

Just saying it out loud makes me happy.

Root beer.

It was a root beer making kit. How cool is that?

I asked her what her tote was all about. She said she bought it to give to either Jon - favorite son-in-law (A) - or D - favorite son-in-law (B). Of course, I talked her into giving it to the one attached to me, and so D and I made root beer this past week for Family Home Evening.

We had a blast! Like I mentioned earlier, this was just a kit - a simple "hamburger helper style" way of making root beer, but it at least gave us a taste of the real process.

This kit involved a lot of waiting... sterilize this, wait 10 minutes. Combine that, wait 10 minutes.

So what is a couple to do while they're waiting??

Play UNO of course!!!!

UNO is a dangerous game to play in our home.

We play dirty. It gets nasty.

SKIP and REVERSE cards are thrown all over the room.

People get called fat.

Pregnant people in particular.

We followed the instructions (believe it or not) and the end result was root beer! This kit carbonates with brewer's yeast, which I really like because it's authentic. However, they flavor with wintergreen - which is a common root beer flavoring these days...

We're just not fans.

We like our sassafras.

A lot.

So at the end of the night, we ended up with four bottles of yummy root beer that my mom drank.

I am still suspicious that this whole thing worked out just the way she wanted it to.

Very mysterious.

Carla's Blueberry Breakfast Cake

Carla Sorter is a wonderful woman. I knew that before. Now that she's given me this recipe, she's my superhero for the day. ; P

She asked me not to accredit this recipe to her, because she did not create it, but rather copied it from somewhere else. However, I figure this is how family recipes and legends are transferred. Do any of us really have a unique recipe to call our own that someone hasn't already made somewhere? Who knows. I guess that's a question for another day...

For now, we will call it:

"Carla's Blueberry Breakfast Cake" aka "D Please Take It Away and Hide It In Ethiopia Before I Eat It All... Cake".

What you'll need:

For the cake -
1/2 c butter
1/2 c sugar
1 egg
2 c blueberries
1 1/2 c flour
2 t baking powder
1/4 t salt
1/2 c milk

For the crumb topping -
1/2 c sugar
1/2 c flour
1/2 t cinnamon
1/4 t allspice
1/4 t cardamon
1/4 c butter

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

Cream the butter & sugar until fluffy. I put the butter in the microwave for about ten seconds, and I don't have a mixer so I did this with a whisk and my super human strength in a vigorous fashion!!

Mix in the egg.

In a separate bowl, combine the following: flour, baking powder, and salt.

Alternately add the flour mixture and the milk and combine well.

Fold in the blueberries. Eat a few. Fold a few. Eat a few. PRAY you get blueberries as big and as luscious as the ones Carla gave me. Holy. Moly.

Pour into a greased 8x8 pan. I always grease with butter. But that's only because butter is one of the best friends I have. Mmmmmm.

Set the pan aside.

Now make the topping...

Combine the sugar, flour, cinnamon, allspice, and cardamon in a bowl.

Cut in the butter with a pastry blender. I couldn't find my pastry blender so I used a whisk and hacked at it like a cereal killer. It felt good.

Sprinkle the topping over the cake mixture.

Even though there's butter in the topping already, I layered additional slices of butter on top because that's how I roll.

Oh yeah.

Bake at 375 degrees for about 40 minutes. Stick a knife or a toothpick in her at the end to see if she's done and voila!!

We, of course, ate it hot with yet another slice of butter on the top.

Absolutely disgusting, I tell you.

The Greater Things in Life...

If you haven't ever tried this with your children, with your parents, with your spouse, by yourself - you are truly, and utterly missing out on one of the greater things in life.

Utterly.

One of the greater things in life? Ice cream on your cereal in the morning...

The wee, wee hours of the morning.

Waste Not The uhhhh... SCRAPS!!

After I got my pieces cut (ripped, rather) out for the wipes, I realized I was going to have scraps left over. Beautiful, perfect, rectangular pieces too long and too skinny for wipes, but not for other things. I considered using them for cleaning. Flannel is divine on windows, floors, and the like.

Divine, I tell you.

As I was contemplating that, D walked through the kitchen where I was sewing. I like D's brain. I always have. That's why I married him. His brain, I swear, runs 110 mph 24 hours a day. Always thinking, always measuring, always balancing. He's a creator. It's what his brain was born to do.

And it's extremely attractive.

*fans herself*

Anyways, I showed D the scraps and simply said,

"I wish I could find a good use for these little buggers..."

He stopped for a moment, looked at the scraps for a half a millisecond, and said,

"Why don't you put a bar of soap in between two of them and sew it up shut?"

Why don't I do what?!? Why didn't I think of that?

And ladies and gentlemen, we have a non-slippery (slipperless?) baby scrubber with a knack for getting grime off things with lightning speed, but which is gentle enough for baby's skin, and super cute.

I went to work. I matched up the pieces, I ran to Market of Choice and picked up four bars of natural soap for $1.35 a piece, I surged, I sang, I giggled, and I used my scraps.

I went with scents/ingredients like honeysuckle and olive oil... mmmm...

Brilliant man, he is. Who's that brilliant man's wife? She's so smart for marrying him. ; P

So the next time I need to scrub a baby butt (or my butt for that matter) I think I'll reach for the ultra-absorbent, beautifully lathering soap cradle D's brain formed instead of a washcloth. All it takes is some water, and a little scrub-scrub in your hands, and you're ready to go.

Oh and to make matters even better, look at the photo below...

You can see that fabric is folded over the right side. Well, when that soap runs out, I'm throwing that bad boy through a wash, cutting open the end, putting another bar of soap in, and serging the sucker up again for a second round.

Mmmmmm hmmm.

Use makes me happy.

Double use makes me double happy.

I purchased two yards of flannel at JoAnn's for about $3.00 per yard. The containers are from IKEA, and were $3.00 for a pack of 3. The thread? Pennies. The soap was a little over $1.00 a bar. I ended with over 40 wipes, 15 soap cradles, and a few random scraps that I'm trying to talk D into wearing as neck ties. Not bad for an initial investment under $15.00.

C'mon Baby, Light My Fire!!

What to do? What to do? Every other day I have a stand off with the lovely, hairy, appetizing lint that comes from my dryer. It says,

"Throw me away. We both know where this is headed."

And I say,

"But I don't want to. You're mine. You're part of my clothes, my dogs, my dirt. I made you for goodness' sake! Can't I use and abuse you in some fashion?!?"

Yes. Yes I can. And so I will.

Dryer lint, sewing scraps, shredded paper for the love!! You can use it all to make your own firestarters!! It's a wonderful idea I tell you, and the ones we just made burned. They burned hot, and for a very, very long time. Excellent.

So here are the steps:

You will need:

Some form of flammable something (dryer lint, bellybutton lint - gross - or sewing scraps - best to use something that will catch easily and burn hot. Flannel seems to work really well)

Egg cartons (We used the kind with a flip top, but if you have the large, open-top flats, they'll work juuuuuust fine)

Paraffin (Paraffin is kerosene in it's solid form - it's the most common type of wax used for candles, lamps, etc. You can buy it online, or at places like Glory Bee Foods - they have a retail location in Eugene and if you've never been there, the trip is a must. Also, if you've got old crayons laying around the house, they're made of paraffin. Use them! Melt those bad boys down and make them work for you!)

Step #1: Gather your material -

Our material came from two places...

The dryer vent... (made up of yummy hair from the girls, and particles from our clothes)

And the wipes project I just finished...

Step #2: Place your material into egg cartons

Step #3: Melt the paraffin - Use crayons or commercial wax (a Number 10 can IN A DOUBLE BOILER on the stove works great for this! Be careful to sink the No. 10 can in water to melt the wax because if you put it on the stove directly it can catch fire. Not good.
)

Step #4: Pour the melted paraffin onto the material in each hole of the egg carton.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Put parchment paper or some other leak-proof paper under your cartons. They will leak. Oh and don't pour so fast that the paraffin sloshes out of the container and onto your stove and floor. You'll be scraping paraffin for years. Just ask my mom.)

Step #5: Let them dry and voila! It's a fire starter!

____________________________________________________________________

When you need to start a fire, you break a little section off (this is another reason to use egg cartons) and light it on fire! Mom said when she put a match to one after it had dried, it went up beautifully, burned really hot, and stayed burning for over 5 minutes. That's pretty dang good.

Murder pictures and a guinea pig in the freezer...

After we made the fire starters, mom told me she would burn one as soon as they were dry, and email me the photo documentation.

She did, and she did.

Here are the pictures she sent me...







Do you see anything wrong with these pictures?

Yep. You're right. That is a dead bird in the upper left corner.

We don't open the wood stoves often during the summer months, and obviously this little one found his way in but not out. It's sad, really. I won't deny that.

I thought it might have been old age, I thought maybe she had seen the bird and was playing a prank on me (just ask her about the egg drop project my sophomore year when my family provided the eggs... oh the smell. The site. The crying cheerleaders. My laughing mother.)

Much to my relief, she did not see the bird, and I didn't know whether she was going to laugh or cry when I showed her the pictures back. I, on the other hand, was doing both. I tend to shed tears when I laugh that hard.

And you know what she said to me after removing the bird from her wood stove?

"Well, I guess I'll go bury the poor little thing... I should probably give it some company and bury it with the guinea pig that's in the freezer though."

Uhhhhhhhh... what?

Yup. That's me mum.